History repeating itself

This photo of snipers on a university campus aiming at students peacefully protesting the genocide in Palestine was taken this week. It is tearing me up to see the continuation of this country's documented strategy of financially and politically propping up genocide, undemocratic regimes, colonialism and unjust wars on weaker people. I just can't. 

Yes, I have my pro Palestinian flag in my front yard, watermelon earrings and Free Palestine bracelets. I have donated to medical aide for Palestinians. But my body is not allowing me to hit the streets and organize. For this, I look to our youth: unfaded free thinkers and those whose idealism for a better world have not yet been crushed by the harsh realities of trying to support yourself in a crumbling society. 

I hope our younger leaders look to the potent knowledge of past generations who lived through similar civil unrest and activism. And we have the brave Palestinian resistance to guide our supportive efforts. 

I myself, went through a profound political awakening in my college

years that shaped world view to this day.  The photo on the left (1985) was from a successful organizing effort for the first university in the US South to fully divest from holdings of South Africa during the Apartheid era. I am in black top, third from left. 

As activist elders, we have a responsibility to teach and support the younger generations taking up social justice work. And they have a responsibility to see us and listen. Collaborate.

Here is a list (from this week) of universities with active student protests for a permanent ceasefire. 

Don't let a repeat of the Kent massacre happen today. Do something. Ask how you can support the student movement. Listen to Palestinian recommendations of how we can provide international support. The US sends $ billions to Isreal to continue this genocide.  These facts are all public knowledge and well documented. But mainstream media does not report it. You have to seek alternate reputable news sources. The vast majority of our Earth's countries have condemned Israel and are seeking ways to stop it. 

Finally, it is NOT anti-semitic to be anti-Zionist. Don't accept that bullshit accusation. Get informed so you will know what the truth is. And that truth began far long before October 7, 2023.

This is mixed media 5" X 7" card I made. 2024

Visual representation

I live in an ungated suburb. But I do have a sucky homeowner association that enforces classist, conformist regulations. And the development seems to be more right of center as witnessed by my Obama for President and other progressive candidate signs repeatedly cut up and taken down. But I am not deterred.

I recently decided to put out a cute cloth yard flag. I figured by moving  the flag closer to my home rather than close to the sidewalk (as my other signs were), it would deter people who were too lazy to get out of their car and walk onto my property. This flag has waved safely for over a month.

Win one for the left! Now I am emboldened to try a couple more designs so I can rotate them. I am choosing a Free Palestine flag and  a pro choice flag. 

I will keep you all updated if any suspicious activity occurs! Keeping my fingers crossed.

Sex and disabilities

UPDATE: I recently became a contributing writer to Flarefamily.com. It is a website that caters to those living with autoimmune illnesses and their loved ones. A slightly revamped version of this Sex and Disabilities post is featured on her blog roll for April 25, 2024.

I was recently talking to a loved one and was surprised by their sincere curiosity about my sexuality. This loved one knows how difficult my life has been with my physical challenges. I live with chronic pain and sometimes can't even walk without assistance. My hands are very painful and numb. I am often debilitated by fatigue and fever and have to battle constant sicknesses because I have a compromised immune system. To her amazement, even dealing with all that, I have a lover and enjoy a sensual and sexual life. 

It is very important to me to stay sexually vibrant as I age, and even if I become more physically challenged. The way I have done that was to change my approach to my sexuality.

I am sexually active but not like I was 20 years ago, 30 years ago or younger. Partly because I'm wiser with age and I know sex is much more than the sex act itself. The most important sex organ is between your ears. 

My sex life is not as spontaneous as it once was because I have to prepare ahead of time. I have to make sure I am rested enough. I take pain medication before meeting so that I can move more easily. That is a must have. I like being seen at my best. 

But sometimes I'm really too tired and in pain to do much. So we might lie naked with each other just stroking, talking, being silly, giggling. And I am never too tired or in pain to kiss and whisper sexy stories or secrets.  I can touch and stimulate in a variety of ways that do not hurt me. These sensual encounters are so soothing and comforting to me and my lover. (It is not only me that sometimes need special considerations. My partner might also be too tired or dealing with body parts that aren't working cooperatively.) We always find ways to be sexual that don't rely on athletic performance0 It takes a creative mind and a cheerful playfulness. I have found enjoyment in so many more subtle ways and when I feel good on my medication, I can go back to my regular sexual antics!

The image to the left is a scene from Meet the Fockers, where Barbra Streisand's character is a sex therapist and she leads a workshop for older people wanting to improve their sex lives. She shamelessly addresses their physical limitations and attitudes. She teaches them to be playful when employing props and to be sensual in their mindset. I love this. I have props and love sensuality. I no longer wear high heels and tight sexy clothes to go out to clubs but rather I have a soft sensuality that I like to reflect with make up, soft skin, soft materials and atmosphere. The biggest sexual confidence booster is to feel sexy myself. 

This cute meme was made by my friend DL in support of me contemplating this post. I was complaining that in all my research on disability and sexuality, there was not much about people with rheumatoid arthritis and sexuality. So cute!

Everyone in their lifetime will experience physical disability in some form. It will be up to you as to whether it's sidelines your sexuality. Aging women are sexually invisible in our culture and disabled people are seen as asexual. Don't buy that crap! 

 

Shoulder surgery recovery - day 9

 

It has been nine days since my big shoulder surgery. I had my rotator cuff and labrum repaired and general cleanup. But the big thing was also reattaching my bicep tendon which had ruptured from my shoulder. This terrible injury did not occur from some spectacular feat or accident; rather it just exploded with the most mundane of little tasks. My RA has damaged so many of my joints that even the muscles and cartilage are fragile; and all this damage started from lifting a gallon of milk! After surgery, my surgeon told me that the bicep was in such terrible shredded condition that he did not hold much hope that it would really adhere and take to the anchors, so it is a wait-and-see. 

As it is my dominant side that is injured, I am very limited in what I'm able to do. I have an elaborate sling, which keeps my elbow and arm propped out at an angle. I swear the designers of this sling were men; the bolster that keeps my arm out, is in line with my breasts, and they vie for positioning. My breast wins, and my bolster keeps being pushed down to my waist which doesn't keep my elbow propped out. And that causes pain and strains attachments. It is a constant readjustment all day. If a woman had designed this, I believe she would've made an indentation that would allow for the breast to rest inside the bolster, thus keeping my sling in alignment at the proper height. 

I am finding new ways to do things, such as an electric toothbrush, waterpik, and Apple dictation to write this post. But by far the biggest adjustment has been reluctantly accepting the fact that I need an aide.  Prior to my surgery. I thought I would need help for maybe 3 to 5 days but it has become apparent that I cannot do so many things. Also, I have been off my RA medication for three weeks and have another week to go, this means that my RA is flared up and it is extremely painful to walk, even to stand. My hands are extremely useless and painful. RA DMARD and biologic medications suppress your natural immune system. That is necessary because my immune system attacks my own tissues. When you're healing from an infection, surgery or illness, you must be off the RA medications, as it inhibits your healing. So combine the shoulder surgery with untreated, RA, and I'm virtually hobbled.

Enter my dear friend DL. DL has been staying with me since the surgery and I have come to rely on him so much. This makes me very uncomfortable as I am a very independent person. I am known to be an impatient patient. I often push before I'm ready.  Accepting the help I need taxes my patience and strong willful spirit.

As a person with an autoimmune illness, I am used to being physically challenged. But now I feel downright disabled. And that is a hard reality to accept. I am told this will be a long recovery, 4 to 6 months. Two months in this restricted sling. I am so grateful to DL for staying with me giving me the help I need and I find that I often worry about his motivation. I think surely he must be getting tired of me and he'll leave tomorrow and how will I make do? But I am learning to trust in his love for me, and accept that what he says is true that he will be here for me as long as I need. What a gift and I am a fool if I do not accept it with gratitude and wholeheartedness, I am very lucky. True friends are a life treasure.