Solidarity heart connections

Writing that last post reminded me of a memory that I want to share. Back in 2009 ( I think), Isreal was again bombing Palestine in sustained airstrikes. I was a teacher at a charter elementary school whose owner/president was a right wing Christian. To get the job, I had to sign a morality clause that included a rule against public unseemly behavior. During the time of Ft Lauderdale public protests against these Isreal airstrikes on Gaza, teachers were told not to attend these protests and if we did, we could be fired if we were somehow public seen or photographed. They said it was covered in the "morality clause". I felt strongly that I needed to let my protests be seen so I defied the rule and went to the protest. While I was there, I stood next to a man waving the Palestinian flag and I got to talking with him. I told him about my undemocratic school prohibition for attending the rally. He bought over another friend and told me they were Palestinian and they wanted to thank me for risking my job to be there. They we so moved, and I in turn was moved by THEM. I made a painting (my first foray into oil paintng) of this man waving his flag. This is my painting of that man and another of me at that protest. It is meaningful to me. If you like this painting, you can purchase a print fit at my Etsy shop.

The other photo is myself with the man in question behind me in the red shirt. He had given his friend the flag and we were now holding signs at a busy Ft Lauderdale road downtown.

Presents are fun; but acceptance of your the present existence is the real gift.

I've been absent a little bit. I miss writing; but I have had physically and mentally taxing difficulties to deal with. My autoimmune challenges keep progressing. I am still keeping hope alive that Enbrel and hydroxychloroquin will start to at least arrest the progression. It takes 2-3 months to feel effects of the biologic injections and I keep having to stop the injections because of poor health so I have only gotten to 6 weeks. But I resume next week.

My hand, elbow and shoulder joints are bad and are limited in how I can use them and very painful. Constant pain makes me sad and cranky!

Also my low immunity causes me to get infectious things easier. I got the shingles vaccine couple weeks ago and whoa. I got such a bad immunologic reaction, I was scared. 102 fever, vomiting, acute painful swelling (baseball size) of lymph nodes in my armpit that traveled up to jaw and cheeks and terrible pain to name the highlights. Two days are a blur. I am still coming out out of it and dealing with waning symptoms weeks later. So, from now on, I need to get medical clearance for vaccines. But at same time, medical practitioners advise I  get all vaccines because I am at high risk for infectious illnesses and cannot fight them well. Catch 22.

The other taxing issue is the sobering reality of my living situation. I am (at this point, and I hope it improves) needing some assistance with some daily activities. I need to hire some help and am looking at once a week. I'll save my tasks for that time but it is hard because some needs are small and ongoing, like opening jars, bottles, carrying laundry, taking out garbage, reaching for things high up, vacuming, bringing in groceries...  I am now having to think long term about my living arrangements and my possible need for increasing assistance. That is a hard pill to swallow. I am now applying for Medicaid so that I can get help paying for in home assistance and possible other increased help down the line. VERY  much bureaucratic process and hard to get accepted.

But what I am having hardest time with is my tendency of longing for the past. I long for my past healthier body. From vain aspects to accessibility aspects to painfree aspects. I am sad and have episodes of "why me?" I am envious of others my age that seem to have better health and abilities. 

Luckily, I am wise enough to know that I need to reign in those ideas and feelings and ACCEPT the present situation and make the best of it. I need to see the world around me as I am just one speck in it. We all suffer, it is a hallmark of being alive. I am practicing being gracious, asking for help  and being clear eyed. I am cultivating contentedness. Letting go of all other stuff that does not serve me. It is tough but I am embracing it. I might fall but have to get back up and keep on trying.

So, it is Christmas Eve today and I have been enjoying my holiday preparations, activities and plans.

With assistance  for rolling out the dough, I made kitty shaped alfajor cookies, planned for a relaxed sweet gathering at my place tonight, champagne is chilled. Since my hair and nails have been destroyed by the medication I take, I even had fun donning press-on fancy nails! I chose an iridescent moon color and love them. I am enjoying my tree lights and handcrafted wrapped presents under my baby live tree. And I am content. 

So, I am enjoying my holiday and hope you are too. But let me leave you with an appeal. We can hold more than one reality in our hearts at the same time. And however we  work to bring contentment into our lives, we must see and act as world citizens and community. We are all connected. There are so many issues I hold dear and work for, but right now, the literal genocide in Palestine calls for worldwide aid and assistance. Please educate yourself on this ethnic cleansing of an entire people. Write, call officials and call for a permanent cease-fire. engage with the boycott and divestment movements towards Isreal. Being anti-Zionist is not anti-Jewish! All world citizens need to keep the resistance alive and in the news and be an ally in whatever way you can. Nothing is too small. 

My evolving Christmas (holiday) traditions

I have been quiet online lately. The despair of watching a US backed genocide of the Palestinian people by Isreal, far right advances in eroding civil rights that were hard won at great cost, chronic pain, Thanksgiving familial get togethers and a sick cat, to name a few distractions. October through January 1st is my favorite time of year. Actually, I am not one to relish New Years, never have been. But it provides closure to the winter holidays. And, now in December, I long to bring in the nostalgic wonder and gratitude for the beautiful traditions I grew up with for Christmas.

Christmas was a wondrous event in my family when my parents were alive, in large part to my mother. She decorated with a designer's eye and spent time on the tiniest details to make us feel special. The decor, the smells, the displays, the food, all made our home a magical place. In my childhood through mid twenties, we  always spent Christmas Eve with our intimate circle of (mainly) other Peruvian families. As all our biological families were in Peru, our families anointed each other familia; we called the grown ups "tio and tia (uncle and auntie) and their children were our primos and primas (cousins). We went all out on Christmas Eve; the 25th was more a laid back, for-the-kids relaxing day of food and brunch with  the families.

A resplendent tree (my mother adopted an unorthodox vanguard aluminum 1970's modern tree with psychedelic lights, lol) and wrapped presents laid out throughout December so the kids could ooh and ahhh all month, and wonder what it hid. Handmade wreaths, Peruvian desserts and wonderful smells permeated our home. But mainly, it was ingrained in my soul as a time for familia.

Now, at 61, my parents long passed, I long for a continuation of the feel of those Christmas', however, adopted to my current life. I am sad that once my parents died, much of the grand familial traditions seemed to have diminished and as family has moved apart geographically and our life-styles and beliefs have evolved, we are no longed as wedded to the gathering of familia at any costs; many traditions we grew up with have fallen to the wayside. My sisters, like many people, now prioritize their familia as being the tight circle they created with spouses and children. Sure, their childless, single tia is well loved but I am not in the inner circle. No matter, I want to create a sense of familia in my home, carrying on my meaningful traditions, old and new. I want my "sobrinos and sobrinas" (nephews and nieces) and sisters to soak up my love through meaningful gestures that harken to our familial roots. 

Travel is difficult for me with my chronic pain, immuno-suppression and financial constraints. So, I am planning a small Christmas Eve at my place for few friends. All loved ones welcomed! I got a live tropical pine-like tree (Norfolk Island Pine) that will do for a humble Christmas tree. She loves heat and humidity so will do well on my porch throughout the year and I can bring her back in to decorate for future Christmases. I am only displaying ornaments that have sentimental meaning. Yummy Peruvian food and desserts will be served and of course I will be drinking champagne on Christmas Eve. I will open gifts on  the Eve. 

I am taking extra effort to give my loved ones a feeling of specialness with handmade wrapping paper. I bought a large Kraft roll and string and am stamping, drawing and stenciling the paper.

I am picking images and designs that speak to the person. For instance, I am including whimsical llamas to reflect our/my Peruvian roots and other paper features a variety of lovely feathers, which are special to two different people in my life. Dog and cat lovers got their companion animals on theirs, etc. It was laborious (my arthritic hands hurt) but I took my time and enjoyed playing crafts. It is not be as elaborate as my mother's grand efforts. (She made beautiful wreaths special for each person. Even finding a tiny wooden violin for my tio, who was a music professor.) But it is the same in effort, sentiment and love.

I am  happy to celebrate and wish someone greetings for Winter Solstice, Hanukkha or whatever. But I was, of course, raised Catholic. I love God, Jesus, Mary, etc. (I also love elements of pagan and indigenous spirituality). But for me, Christmas is a time for celebrating Jesus's birth, child like wonder and showing appreciation for those we love. I even give my doctors that I see most often, my massage therapist, my lash lady small gifts. I make stockings. I drink cocoa and watch Christmas movies. I am a geek for the holidays.  I like to do it. it makes me happy. It's a beautiful thing.

I hope you enjoy the winter holiday season and practice meaningful traditions for you and yours. 

 

I had an illegal abortion at 14 yrs. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made with long term effects. I do not regret it, it was the right choice. I would not allow someone else to dictate what was right for my body and life, even if it meant unsafe, scary measures. Having a baby at 14 yrs would have meant a drastically tragic path for the me. Once our bodies are controlled and mandatory breeding enforced, women will lose all their rights in all other areas of their lives. Never go back!! No matter your childbearing age... all of us , including men, must support accessible safe choices for women!! Also, adequate, sex education must be appropriately taught in all schools. My high school teachers passed out telephone books (yes the thick ones of 1970's) and intervened in couples sitting in the decorated gymnasium together, instructing us to place the book on the boys lap if we were to sit on our date's lap for pics; because sitting on a boys lap fully clothed was how we could get pregnant!!