Throat chakra healing

This beautiful painting is by the artist, Rakia. She titled it "Open and Flow" and it refers to the throat chakra. That chakra is located in the center of the neck. In Eastern traditions, the throat chakra is associated with expression, creativity and speaking one's  truth. 

I am going through tremendous healing in my throat chakra right now. I have had healing spurts at different times in my life relating to opening up my throat chakra.

As a child, I used to have a recurring nightmare in which I was choking and could not breathe. It was not until my 20s that I finally dreamt about unblocking what was in my throat. In that dream, it started off as the usual nightmare in which I'm choking and clutching at my throat. When, to my horror, I started coughing up and vomiting all sorts of things like black spiders, crabs and slippery eels. It was disgusting. And then the dream ended abruptly. I easily interpreted it to be about me speaking my truth as a young lesbian and my activism. Little did I know that this cleaning out of my throat chakra blockages would take many years, decades even. But that was a good start. I've had other growth spurts, but none other so dramatic as the one I had this year with my cervical spinal decompression surgery.

This unflattering picture (what I do for a blog posts!) shows the trauma I've been enduring around my throat chakra. It culminated in the last several months. My cervical vertebrae were so damaged that they had compressed my spinal cord to the point of spinal damage. I had to have an urgent surgery in which they completely removed my C4 and replaced it with titanium, and then also had two cervical fusions.The surgeon went through the front of my throat to reach my vertebrae. The scar lies directly over my throat chakra! Poor baby.

Now, I am not saying that my spinal compression in my neck is due solely to not being able to express myself, but I do believe chronic trauma to energy centers in our body can contribute to illness in those areas. I believe my throat chakra has been blocked due to years of verbal abuse, constant criticism and silencing. I do not tolerate any of that in my life anymore.

I am using daily visualizations to gently wash away psychic debris throughout my whole body, but especially in my throat and neck area. And I am taking concrete steps to speak my truths and express myself.

Some of the healing involves speaking my truth when it's uncomfortable. This morning I broke through my fear of rejection to let a couple people I love dearly know how they had hurt me this past week. I was very afraid of their potential reactions but I felt I needed to say something. It was an overall positive step in my relationship with them. I hope they feel similarly. And while some parts of it were hard, I feel good about how it was left. 

I don't expect I'll ever reach a day when I have nothing to work on in myself. But it's such a good feeling to continue to grow and evolve in ways that leave me and my community more at peace.

 

Squiggly lines

 

I have not painted in months. The last thing I painted was a simple design. As you can see from this photo, my hands were not able to hold the brush with any authority and I was not able to make smooth lines or circles. When I saw this, I was so devastated for my lack of physical abilities. I put away my brush for several months.

My sister, M, and my friend S, gave me great advice: Accept where I am right now with my abilities and make that part of my creative expression. Create a new style of art that incorporates my squiggly lines.  It was affirming and brilliant, but I find it hard to get on board with it. Sigh.

Fast-forward several months and I am one and a half months post cervical spinal surgery. While I am dealing with a possible surgical complication, I have great improvement in my hand, dexterity and grip with my right hand. My left hand is still suffering with burning neuropathy and numbness, but since I am right handed, I am happy to report that the decrease in symptoms has allowed me to pick up a brush again.

I wanted to start with something not too challenging so I decided to design my own pumpkin for Halloween. I chose to create floating circles and on another one, floating shapes. My hands are still not totally normal in their dexterity, but I was able to draw pretty good circles with my right hand! I am thrilled.

I still have neuropathy, especially harsh in my left hand, and I do not know if that will ever go away. So my lines still are not as smooth as before. But I will work on accepting my art as a reflection of me as I am. My evolving artistic style may still incorporate squiggly lines . 

What is your version of squiggly lines?  Here's to everyone that has to accept less than perfect things about themselves.

Secret admirers and allies

I had a lovely surprise last night. My housemate, DL, answered an evening door knock, thinking it was a trick-or-treater. A nervous young woman handed him a note and said she was going to leave it on our car window, but decided to hand it to us in person. She wanted to thank us for our yard sign and flag, which were both supporting womens and abortion rights and Yes on 4 (a Florida prop on the ballot that would repeal the abortion ban throughout all of Florida).

I usually have one of 3 yard flags in front of my house (a free Palestine flag, an overall progressive flag, and an women's/abortion rights flag) For election time I have focused on women's rights and reproductive justice so I have my pink flag and a yes on four  yard sign.

Apparently, abortion rights is dear to her heart. I wonder if she feels the same way around free Palestine and other progressive issues. 

I plan to drop off a fun note and try to establish a neighborhood friend. It was fun to get a shout out from a neighbor. Presenté! 

To the Black and Latino men in my life

If you know me, you know that I am politically engaged with a  progressive agenda (check out the young me from my college days, lol). No doubt you have heard me extol the dangers of another Trump presidency. I know you may be disgusted with politics and think both sides are lying and full of shit, but I am making a special appeal to you to listen to me now. If you love me as a woman, as Latina, as someone who has always worked to make this country a more fair democracy, please hear me out.

Trump is counting on his machismo to appeal to men of color. He is trying to split black and Latino communities along gender lines. Everyone knows the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. His abysmal history of harming communities of color, his project 2025 or his position on reproductive freedom that would be dangerous for your daughters, your sisters and all women you love are all just the tip of a repressive iceberg.

His macho posturing and reputation for "getting things done" (however illegal or morally reprehensible), is appealing to many black and brown men. And sadly, plain old sexism within black and brown communities is causing some men to vote for Trump simply because he is a male. 

I want to make a special appeal to friends of mine who are disillusioned with politics and tell me they do not plan to vote. To you, I want to clarify one thing. Casting a vote for one candidate is not sending them a valentine. It is not a love note to that candidate nor does it represent your total support of their platform. Voting for a candidate is simply a strategic chess move to reduce the harms to our communities of color, as well as our country.

Please, vote for Kamala Harris. She is not good on everything but she does represent a better agenda for all  Americans. Show your support for the first woman of color running for president on a democratic platform. 

I am signing off today by declaring "I am Puerto Rico".